OldieNobody warns you that grief can start early. It doesn't wait for the goodbye. It shows up on an ordinary Tuesday, when your old dog takes a little longer to stand and you realize you're counting.
We wanted to write about that stretch, the last year or so, because it's rarely talked about. People talk about the loss. Less often they talk about the long approach to it.
Grieving while they're still here
If you're feeling sad, watchful, or guilty about being sad while your dog is still eating breakfast and wagging at the door, that's not a flaw in how you love them. Researchers who studied owners' grief have written about it as part of the experience. One Italian study of 314 participants looked at pet guardians' grief alongside a quality-of-life scale, and its qualitative analysis pointed to the relationship between guardian and veterinarian and the need for social support after a loss1.
We read that and thought: two ordinary things. A vet you can talk to honestly, and people who understand. Neither is complicated. Both are easy to skip when you're busy being strong for the dog.
The question everyone carries
Most of us in this stretch are quietly asking one thing: how do I know how they're doing? Dogs don't tell us. They adapt, they hide discomfort, and they look at us as if everything is fine.
Some veterinary teams use a structured way to think it through. The best known is the HHHHHMM scale, credited to veterinary oncologist Dr. Alice Villalobos. In the version a pet hospice practice shares, it has seven categories, each scored from 0 to 10: hurt, hunger, hydration, hygiene, happiness, mobility, and more good days than bad2. The Italian researchers above used it as the quality-of-life measure in their validation study, and reported that their results confirmed its usefulness1.
We won't tell you what a score means for your dog, or what to do about one. That's a conversation for your vet, who has examined your dog and can see what we can't. What we like about the idea is simpler. It turns a fog of worry into seven plain questions, and it gives the people in a house something shared to look at instead of seven different gut feelings.
What a long goodbye looks like at home
From where we sit, the last year isn't one big decision. It's hundreds of small ones. Whether to take the long walk or the short one. Whether the soft bed goes upstairs too. Who gave the evening pill, and did the morning one happen?
It's tender work, and it's tiring. Some things that seem to help, as habits and not as medical advice:
- Pick one day a week to look back at the last seven. Did the good days outnumber the hard ones? Write it down, even in two lines.
- Say out loud what you're noticing, to your vet and to the people at home. A worry shared is usually a smaller worry.
- Let yourself do the small, happy things now. A slow sniffing walk. A favorite spot in the sun. They don't need to be saved for later.
- Tell someone who gets it. The research we found points to the need for support, and it's okay to ask for it before the hard day, not after.
Oldie is a care tracker for senior dogs: medications, care tasks, vaccines and weight, shared with everyone in the household. A day's entry can carry a short note that anyone at home can read. More about Oldie.
We don't have a neat ending for this one, because there isn't one. There's only the plain fact that the love and the grief arrive together, and that the time in between is real time, still worth being present for. Be kind to yourself in it.
This post is general information only, not a diagnosis. Your vet knows your dog.
Questions, or a topic you'd like us to dig into next? Reach out any time: help@myoldie.com. We read everything.
Sources
- Validation of the HHHHHMM Scale in the Italian Context: Assessing Pets' Quality of Life and Qualitatively Exploring Owners' Grief (Testoni I et al.). Animals 13(6):1049, 2023. Accessed 2026-10-21.
- Quality of Life Scale (The HHHHHMM Scale) (credited to Villalobos A). Heaven At Home Pet Hospice. Accessed 2026-10-21.
This is general information, not a diagnosis. Your vet knows your dog.